Friday, September 18, 2009

A Russian Doll and a cash heist

So my week progressed from a painful one to just plan uncomfortable today.
It started off slowly, which was great as office logistics had me out of my own chair and manning the newsdesk. Which is nice when things are quiet because you get to do stuff like page through magazine inserts from overseas papers.
The London Independent has such a magazine called The Information - and the edition I located was dedicated to the 50 Best Bags. I am totally not a style bunny, so I check this kind of stuff out in amazement, amusement and horror as I try and get my head around who would buy such products, imagine what you would wear with it, and who can actually afford the designer ones.
Take this one for example. Number 46, a Chanel designed number.
Here is the description: "You certainly won't fade into the background carrying this kooky little Russian Doll around. Not only is it beautiful in the flesh but bound to end up a collector's item. Your grandchildren will thank you for investing!"
Here it is:

I am thinking my grandchildren, should they be anything like my Little One with her Paris Hilton-on-crack dess sense, might well appreciate this. But should dear grandchild be more like me - designer unconscious, practically minded and not prone to splashing out enormous amounts of cash - will probably try and have me committed before she or he thanks me. This "kooky little Russian Doll" comes at a price. A significant one indeed. Working on an exchange rate of R15 to a quid, we are talking R64 125 to be precise!!!! I swear!
But anyway - handbags aside, let's get back to Jozi and our reality here.
So a bunch of guys tried to pull off a cash-in-transit heist outside Randfontein sort of mid-morning time. I heard about it and figured it was a toss-up. Do I send little Go-getter all the way out to the scene of the action and take a chance that she doesn't even get there before deadline. Or do I task her to track the info down by phone. We didn't have much time, so I figured the phone option was the best call.
However, Talk Radio 702 which is where you generally want to be listening for breaking news in Jozi, sent a reporter out. Our early morning CreativeDirector was listening to the radio when their reporter started describing suspects holed up in a house surrounded by cops in one very dramatic stand-off. On our side, Go-getter was getting no such information, and was being told about armed robbers arrested in their cars before they could do anything.
So CreativeDirector instructed me to put the radio on loudly so we could hear the breaking news inserts during the morning chat show. Ah man!! Late Friday morning on 702 happens to be Redi Direko (who I love and think is great) talking to sex therapist Dr Eve.
"I urge all women to go and get themselves sex toys. They are fabulous and get you in the mood, and help you get to where you can't naturally," Dr Eve pronounces loudly across the news room.
I make like I am deaf.
A guy calls in to describe how magnificent he is in the sack, how he even uses ribbed condoms for his girlfriend's pleasure and while she seems to appreciate his prowess, he wonders if she perhaps exaggerates her enjoyment.
No breaking news interruptions, so Dr Eve continues on with her advice for women.
" Women have to masturbate in order to become orgasmic, that's just the way it is. It's just something women need to do, there's nothing to be ashamed about...."
All the women in the newsroom are pre-occupied with their computers while the guys look around for any tell-tale reactions. Not happening!
"In fact I know a couple whose highest form of sexual pleasure is to sit in front of each other and masturbate," Dr Eve states just as PixEditor arrives at the newsdesk with a query, causing him to ask what we are listening to at such volume.
I decide to put through Go-getter's story without all the alleged drama that 702 apparently has. Their reporter stopped filing news alerts at the worst time!
A woman calls in to tell Dr Eve that her husband's junk is extremely small and so she feels a little dissatisfied.
"Go and buy a penis sleeve," the good doctor advises.
"I do hope she had her husband's permission to talk about the size of his penis on radio," Redi commented.
I still don't know what really went down at the Randfontein heist.


  1. How distracting but rather funny as a topic to have turned up loud in a newsroom. I can just imagine the scene with the women acting blase and the men all .... turned on!

    Maybe 702 also didnt have as much information as they were making out they had!?