More money coming my way...

A weekend away from the office and this morning saw me returning to another wave of e-mails informing me that I have won lotteries I have never entered and offers of co-operation deals that are - well - too good to be true.
Even Captain James Brown, the guy who wanted to give me stacks of money last week, mailed me back. He seems to be getting a bit tetchy about my apparent reluctance to assure him that I am telling nobody about the millions he found in Saddam Hussein's house and that I am working a plan to help him give me 30% of it. I figure I shall continue my silence...
But then I received another good news mail from one Ms mary Brown. I am wondering if she is perhaps related to our Captain James Brown.
Ms mary Brown sent me a letter with a Shell logo on it as well as a photograph of a bunch of people sitting in front of a Royal Dutch Shell plc banner and a USA flag emblazoned on a jolly notification that I - yes me, the one and only "Dear winner" - am the winner of "the 2nd category of our Shell Management free Net Lottery Promotional awarddraws held on 23rd Jan 2010" . I am getting 800 000 pounds only.
"We wish to inform you that your total prize money of £800,000.00 Pounds has been Returned to us by our Lotto claims delivery company as unclaimed prize after their initial letter to your address for your award payment was not successful."
Clear as mud, eh?
All I have to do is send them all my details and then notify them when I have received my money. Only a small warning: "ANY BREACH OF CONFIDENTIALITY ON THE PART OF THE WINNERS WILL RESULT TO DISQUALIFICATION. WINNING RESULT MUST BE KEPT SECRET TO AVOID DOUBLE CLAIM WHICH WILL RESULT TO YOUR LOST OF PACKAGE."
Ja, well. I would not want to suffer a lost of package now, would I?
But then some bad news after all this happy stuff. It seems the media has annoyed some activists by giving a whole lot more coverage to the Miss World pageant than the Mr Gay SA comp. Logically speaking, I would think this would be an obvious situation, given that South Africa had to pay something like R50-million to host the Miss World bash, and Mr Gay SA has, well, kind of a limited audience.
Can't win them all, hey!