Thursday, January 14, 2010

Captain James Brown wants to give you, yes you, a bunch of money.

Almost every day I receive an e-mail telling me I have won some or other lottery jackpot in some or other country I have never visited. Of course in order to claim the squillions of Euros of whatever that is mine, all I have to do is contact their agent - who is someone with a hot-potato-sounding name who cannot spell or write a grammatically correct sentence in English. I have no doubt that if I did ever contact these people I would either be asked to give them the details of my soon-to-be-cleaded-out bank account, or else pay some or other administration fee in order to be put forward a step in the claim process which would no doubt entail many more steps that need hefty payment.
Today's windfall was a little more orginal and certainly more entertaining. The subject of the message came through like this: [SCAN SPAM DETECTED]I need your response shortly.(view attachment).
It was a message from one Captain James Brown (I swear!!) who said he was an army officer attached to the US Army. Oooookay. So what would he want with me?
Apparently he and some other guys from his batallion were working in Iraq when they happened to find US$700-million hidden behind a false wall in Saddam Hussein's palace. As army guys do! Unfortunately this poor lot only managed to grab 7.5-million from the mighty stash which they flew out to a secret location in the Middle East, where they all swore each other to secrecy while the war just carried on like nobody had found a truckload of discarded $100 notes.
But then lucky Captain James Brown's streak of remarkable good fortune just carries on.
He claims: "But unfortunately, the rest of my crew members lost their lives to the wicked Iraqi insurgents, as you know we were being attacked by insurgents everyday and car Bombs. I have kept this a secrete within me for 6 years now since I am the only survival now and I cannot leave the boxes in the security company anymore as this attracts more expenses on demurrage as long as the boxes is still with the security company."
Ah yes - American grammar schools!
So what does an army captain with a six-year-old secretion inside of him want?
He spells it out: "I am now in desperate need of a "Reliable and Trustworthy" person as partner to assist me transfer these funds into an account and invest the funds without further delay since I cannot come out openly to claim it and at the same time five US soldiers are currently being questioned by military officials after some of Saddam Hussein's money was allegedly stolen following It's discovery. You can click on the web site for more details of my story."
Obviously one to share his wealth and survival, Captain James Brown offered me 30% of his "secrete" stash for my help in moving the millions.
"Please assure me of your keeping this topmost secret within you so that my life would not be jeopardized and to protect my Country's image and my name. You can call me at +447031747863 for clarifications."
So I thought I would put his story on this here blog and put the phone number out here for anyone who cares to call him. Tell James Brown I say 'Hi'!


  1. And now you can't have anything because you didn't secrete it yourself as well!!!

  2. I got the same message today *heyyyyy* and I also wondered about the jive this guy was talking *heyyyyy*!!!

  3. *Heyyyyy!!!* I just found a way to trace the sender's IP on the Internet *heyyyy* The email I received got sent from 12 Somerset Rd, Kensington, Johannesburg *heyyyyy*