Thursday, July 16, 2009

Happily ever after

Another instalment in the highly unexciting Judge Motata drunk driving trial today – going on for two years now.
So, on what must be one of the coldest days in forever, Diva and I trudged the streets to get to the Joburg Magistrate’s Court. Too late – best seats in courtroom 35 were already nabbed by QuirkyOlderWoman, who now can manage to get her West Rand mullet cut (her description, not mine) into a ponytail with the help of numerous clips, and Fabulous Shoes in a pair of shiny patent black wedges.
As per usual, nobody was ready to start on time, so we all sat back and waited.

JoziJourno: Hey I heard this great radio ad this morning. All these guys singing “Kiss the farmer, kiss the boer” in the same style of the old “Kill the farmer, kill the boer” protest. Turns out there is this new programme coming out on Kyknet called ‘Boer Soek ‘n Vrou’.

Diva: You’re kidding me! That’s disgusting. All those Free State farmers wanting wives.

JJ: Diva, I am totally going to enter you for it. You would be brilliant. I can just see you on that show.

Diva: What? You think I would be good on TV. No man. I don’t want to marry some Afrikaans farmer.

JJ: Oh come on. Think of it. You would be fabulous on TV. Those farmers will go for you in a big way.

Diva: Hey if I did something like that, I would go all out. I am not actually Zulu, but I would get myself full-on wedding attire – beads, bangles, a hat, the whole thing hey. I would push their ratings through the roof.

JJ: Absolutely. You would be phenomenal.

Diva: Ja, but think about it. I am seTswana and my Afrikaans is really bad. But mind you, those farmers can often speak good seSotho and I can understand seSotho perfectly. So we would be able to communicate at least. But I can’t cook that well, I can make porridge but not koeksusters and hertzoggies and those dishes.

JJ: I think you need to be able to make a good potjie and bobotie and all that kind of boerekos.

Diva: Can you imagine me with an Afrikaans farmer with his enormous stomach, all these beautiful little coloured children running around?

JJ: Erm… ja. Awesome TV!

And then it was time for court to start. Hours of boring testimony.
The highlight: prosecutor going to great pains to remind the court that on the night of the crash the high court judge must have been drunk because he said “F… you” at least ten times over.
So we now wait for judgement...

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