Working on a Sunday when everyone else you know is out there in the sunshine having fun is a dreary, tiresome affair.But every now and again something comes along to lift your spirits – like the e-mail sent so kindly by the African Christian Democratic Party today. They issued a press statement announcing their decision to “have a special prayer for Julius Woodwork Malema”.
It was a fantastic announcement, truly in line with all the bizarre electioneering currently on the go, ahead of next month’s elections.
This religious political party apparently now believes youth league leader Julius has been possessed by evil spirits. Apart from his now-legendary poor performance in matric (H for maths, G for woodwork), Malema has annoyed the ACDP with his arrogance and his “glorification of thuggery”.
The ACDP is now angry and hellbent on reforming the wayward youth. They are extreme, enthusiastic, they use astounding vocabulary, bad grammar and poor spelling in their latest missive. I quote, or rather copy and paste: “The only leasson our children have learnt from he of the displeasing metric results is to take pride in insulting their own parents and elderly people. Alas. As the ACDP we can no loneger ignore or even tolerate this dangerous conduct. If we don't pray for him not only would we be doing him and the nation a disfavor; we would be neglecting our spiritual and moral obligations as Christians.”
Do these people not have a spell checker?
And they continue: “We believe that only a man under the spell of the evil spirits which once attacked Legion of Gaderines can spew the kind of things coming out of Malema's mouth, yet never lose any amount of sleep. We now have good reasons to suspect that those evil spirits have left the pigs and have found a new home in the young man. We therefore call upon all Christians and citizens to join us in praying for Malema so that these spirits could leave him in peace. Although very little is know about Malema's late mother, we should also pray for her spirit to rest in peace in the wake of Malema's reign of madness.”
In the spirit of an organisation wanting to call a spade an evil, demon-possessed instrument of Satan, they end with a warning.
“The power to halt the likes of Malema and anyone who has displayed obvious obsession with oligarchy is in the hands of populace.”
Now who could have said it better?
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holy crap... truly.
ReplyDeletei had to read it twice. this was seriously from them, officially!!?!???
love your work.
It looks like nobody made it to Matric. Maybe different people wrote different paragraphs because the beginning of the missive has words like leasson and loneger and the at the end is oligarchy and populace spelt right?!
ReplyDeleteAngel - I swear to God. I copied and pasted every word exactly as is. At that, I am afraid, is a very unpleasant truth.
ReplyDeletemomcat - the vocab astounds me too. Primary school grammar with some SRC jargon thrown in..